What kind of mom are you?

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I’m a worrier.  A worrywart my grandmother called it.  I worry about what others think even though I may claim not to.  Goodness knows I try not to worry about who may be judging me, but sometimes it just sneaks up on me.  A friend of mine posted a link to Facebook the other day from a blog post about different stereotypes of moms at schools.  Firstly I was just a little bit horrified because I am sure that I have been several of the moms in the blog post on at least one occasion.  Was it a joke post?  Maybe it was… I hope so!

There was the “hungry mom, pajamas mom, hippie mom, sports mom, PTO mom, perfect mom, and of course, the mom blogger”.  Did this even leave anyone out?  I mean, we can’t all be June Cleaver and if we were… wouldn’t that fall into PTO mom category?  Is that what other parents are thinking on the playground at morning drop off?  (Are you thinking that at drop off?)  I will admit we all have different styles.  There is one mom, that I see nearly every day and I don’t even know her name, but I call her “jogger mom”, because she does her daily run to the elementary school in the afternoons to pick up her child.  There is “svelte black-suit mom” that I’m guessing works in a corporate setting somewhere downtown because she looks very sleek and urban every day.  There are the SAHMs like me, who while having different styles, definitely dress more casually than the workplace moms at the school.  If we’re going to put labels on everyone, good grief, what about the exceptions!  Yes, I have dropped my children off at school still in my pajama pants.  I was also wearing a full-length heavy parka and snow boots at the time.  Its happened maybe twice in 3 years.  Do I get a pass for that one?  With a special needs child as well, some mornings … are just hard.  Most mornings are just fine and really we have a pretty good little routine down and let me tell you a happy ASD child is one with a good routine.  Sometimes though – sometimes are hard!  I think all special needs families and those with multiple children would agree that you can encounter crazy events trying to get out the door on occasion.  We woke one morning to find that my son had spread a very thin, even layer of sunscreen all over our living room rug.  Another morning he was covered in strawberry syrup (and so was the couch).  If you have one very ill child and two very healthy children and you’re trying to get out the door its a whole new host of problems and then what about the “spider”.  I’ve written about this before – when one of the children just.  Won’t.  Go.  They throw their arms and legs out like a spider so that they can’t get on the bus or in the car.  Its stressful.  I’m just saying that if you’re having one of those mornings, maybe fashion and hair styles aren’t super high on your priority list.  Maybe that pajama mom isn’t a “pajama mom” every day.  I think we ought to be a little more accepting of others’ situations before tearing them down.  Goodness knows the world is hard enough as it is.  Let’s not add to it.  Having an ASD child, I’ve been there when my child was having a very public meltdown.  Staring doesn’t help.  Silently judging doesn’t help.  Offering to hold my bag, water bottle, sippy, other child’s hand, etc, would be helpful.

I will admit that I have often wondered at the decisions of other moms that I see in passing because it doesn’t seem to be a decision that I would make, but that is also coming from my background and point of view and not theirs.  I couldn’t possibly know what its like to be in their shoes.  This is an important thing for me to keep at the front of my mind.

I’m just going to keep doing what I do.  Now what I may do, may not be what you do, or they do or he or she does, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t wholly accept the decisions that others make.  This is a really hard issue for me.  Its my “damage” really, so by me writing about it and putting my vulnerabilities out there – I’m really taking a step, but I have definitely done my share of value-searching today and I wanted to write about it.  So, my point, after all that, was if you see in me in my fleecy frog pajama pants and crocs running full-tilt across the playground with two or three children in tow, please, just pretend I was wearing lovely matching outfit in crisp fall colors.  Cross your fingers for me to not trip over a bump in the sidewalk in those crazy shoes because I was probably having one of those days already.

Be Fierce.  #WearFrogsLikeYouMeanIt.

#IamAFierceMom

Kelly

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I’m a smiley face.

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And then…. there were smiley faces.  My inner ear infection is lots better thank goodness.  I am so glad I called the doc again to ask if there was anything else they could do!  There was!  Woot!  Much less dizziness = happy faces.  Ahem.  So, you know all that “being off my game” for a few days got me thinking about how it makes ME feel to be a SAHM who also, happens to be laying on the couch.  Ok, so I had a very good reason, I could not really walk straight lines very well for several of those days, but still.  There is something about being a SAHM to me, where I feel like I have to prove my worth constantly.  I have to prove that  I’m worth ‘being cared for’ by someone else, even though I definitely do work.  Its just in the home.  With the children.  So, when I lose control of my home environment like that and I’m just “down”, I feel horrible guilt.  In my head, a little voice says well maybe I maybe could be up and running around if I could just try harder, or I could have more energy (even with an infection) if I would just put my mind to it.  That’s almost never the case.  I work myself harder than anyone else probably could.  And I like my situation.  I enjoy getting Miss. S dressed in the mornings and putting her in cute clothes and putting her hair up and scooting her out the door to the bus while she’s chanting, “Look there’s the bus!  There’s the bus!!”, as if she’s never seen if before.  I enjoy the chaos of the multi-door-drop off for my boys at their school, its one of my favorite things to complain about.  Ha!  (no, really, it kind of is.  That and the weather.)  Anyway, its all the little things that I love – putting notes in lunch boxes, seeing my oldest get better at doing homework on his own, spying on the boys bird watching outside from the porch.  (They are so funny!)  And I’m willing to do the hard work that goes with it, in order to enjoy that privilege:  coercing my oldest and ASD child into sitting in a chair during his sunday school class (instead of walking around the room carrying the chair for example), meeting with his teachers and support network at the school to keep him on track academically, putting to bed 3 tired children most nights of the week on my own including toothbrush fights, squished bananas in odd places and endless dishes at the end of the night.  So why do I feel so guilty when I get sick?  Is it a societal thing?  If I were sick and working outside of the home I would still have to stay home… would that be ok then because I would be getting sick pay?  I would still have to pay for childcare so I wouldn’t be accruing anymore money… Why is that so engrained in my head?  I did lose control of the house this weekend (and last weekend I think) due to this dizziness, but I seem to be gathering it all back together again.  Upward and onward I suppose.  Mom guilt does not equal smiley faces.  😦   Boo.

Be fierce!  Say no to guilt!

#IamAFierceMom

Kelly