Burning Man

Its Today!!

The Man burns tonight!!  

If you’re a past burner or wanna-be-burner or curious burner-to-be, check out the height of Burning Man on the live feed here.

So, dear hubby is probably out there whopping it up – hope he is having a good time!

You can also listen to BMIR Burning Man radio here.

 

And…. I have 3 more days until dear hubby gets home!  Woot!  2 days with family here and 1 day solo…..  This has been a long, but educational experience.  I definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel.  

Be.  Fierce.

#IamAFierceMom

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Burning Man

The Man Burns in 5 Days…. and its the First Day of School

Like my title?  Worlds colliding!  *crash!!*  Ahem.  Anyway.  Um, so….. yeah, lots and lots and LOTS of people (approx. 35K) are on the way to Burning Man.  If that’s you, you can get traffic updates on Highway 447 and wait times at the gate from 94.5 FM BMIR.  Right now the wait time at the gate is 27 MILES long.  (as of 1 AM Central time) Yah.  Alrighty then.  That crowd includes a nice handful of my friends and dear Hubby of course.  Dear Hubby is on the way and should arrive early early Monday morning.  He called this evening because he may lose reception before he gets too far.  So, its just me then!

First Day of School for my kiddos and everyone around here is tomorrow!  (woo-HOO!!)  Except for Miss. S who starts in about a week and a half – preschool has a bit of a different schedule.  I’ve got bags of school supplies, backpacks and lunch bags ready to go!  My new home schedule is printed out and waiting for me.  I’ve got the coffee maker ready to go in the AM.  Now, if I could just get my attitude adjusted we’d be all set.  I’ve just, I don’t know, had a hard time getting over the fact that I feel so dissed by the help that I was supposed to have over this period of time, so when its gotten really hard (like this weekend  :::deep breath:::), that’s where my mind goes.  Beating that dead horse.  I know.  I do.  Still, I have felt so very alone and I have to remind myself that my feelings are valid.  Its so easy for someone “looking in” from the outside to just casually mention that I should get over it and that I should be “just fine” at handling all of this.  Its much different when you’re IN it.  My first thought is “really?  Can you do this?  I doubt that”. Its OK to feel how I feel, this is very hard.  By feeling alone, I don’t mean that I don’t have friends, or truly a great support network here – that’s what has kept the anxiety monster at bay for the most part and kept me afloat.   I just mean, that the responsibility is all mine, its a lot of hours of no adult conversation or interaction except with the mons-ners, which are lovely, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I do hit my limit on talking about the finer points of ponies and fart jokes.

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School supplies!!  SHARPENED pencils!! 80 of them!!  I have the blisters to prove it!! 

 

Today was the first time I had ever taken the children to church by myself.  I wasn’t too concerned because they’re used to going there, used to the people, it feels comfortable, etc.  Except all the change that is about to happen this week.  Its like the mons-ners are all jittery and nervous on the inside and its just seeping out.  (the Sunday school teacher actually pulled me out of the sanctuary today to “speak” to me about M’s behavior.  Dammit.  Really??  Right now??  THIS week?  To his credit, this has actually never happened before.  (and his aide wasn’t there.  He usually has an aide in church, isn’t that nice??)

M has such a hard time with transitions.  I swear you don’t even have to tell him its coming, he can smell it, or sense it, something.  He knows.  And its when he gets in his little “autistic funks” that I can sometimes really get a glimpse into how his brain sorts things.  He IS smart, its just organized differently.  During a particularly disfunctional moment Saturday I was asking him if he remembered his teacher’s name, the door he should use, etc.  “Yes, yes, but mom, what is my room number?”  Um, yeah, I don’t have any idea.  #momfail.  But I will find out!  And write it on his hand.  During one of more hysterical moments this weekend involving a gigantic container of peanuts (don’t ask), M came up and calmly offered to help me find the lid and put everything away, just as if I wasn’t shrieking at the top of my lungs and dashing about like a looney toons character.  Yup.  He just doesn’t see/feel the emotion of that.  He sees that its a problem and I am upset and instead of shrinking back like my 2 other neurotypical children who were probably sure that mommy had actually lost it time, he just offered to help me and he did and then went on about his business just like I was as normal as ever.  This isn’t the first time he has done this when I am losing it, but it is the first time in a while.  Its almost comforting.  

Speaking of comfort, this weekend was particularly hard since I haven’t felt too well on top of everything and then I fell (I know, I know!) and hurt my foot pretty good, so I have just been focused on getting tasks done ie. laundry, dishes, school prep, and trying to give some myself some easy comforts like easy meals to get through this part.  Hopefully as of tomorrow I can really get back to the shopping for real meals and cooking.

I apologize for the whiney post.  I’m working on the attitude thing.  Maybe my exercise class tomorrow AM will help to change my perspective.  

Anyway.  Get out there and get your kiddos to school!  Find those room numbers!!  Let’s get coffee!!

Be fierce.  

:::::omg with the bagpipes on BMIR right now.  Woah.::::

#IamAFierceMom

Uncategorized

What’s that? I think we have some static.

*  Today marks 9 days until the Man burns at Burning Man!  Listen to BMIR (app available!) for playa updates before you go or

    on the radio as you get closer. 94.5 FM 

*  Today is Day 4 of 16 in which I  handle my mons-ners solo and all is well.  *clanging bell sound here*

 

You know, conversations online can be confusing.  You can’t really tell the person’s emotional intent from their text.  It can be easy to misinterpret words, online connections can be interrupted in the middle of conversations, and sometimes you just never know what happened.  Did they log off on purpose?  Was there a storm?  An emergency in their home?  Were they late for an appointment?  Who knows!  With practice, it can improve.  Dear hubby and I speak primarily through IMs (instant messages) on Trillian while he travels because it is the medium that works best for us.  Often I will get a quick phone call in the evening, but not necessarily every day and certainly not during this big trip he’s on (due to lack of internet access/signals in the desert).  Its not always perfect, he spends a fair amount of his day in meetings in which he can text me on IM/Trillian if I need to ask something or am just checking in, but not always.  It may be hours before my message gets answered depending on what is happening around him and vice versa.  If I’m at a playdate or out with the kids I can’t usually talk/text/do much of anything else.   It takes understanding and patience.  And practice.  I know that if I get a message, I need to answer it.  When I can.  Even if its much later in the day or the next day.  Not doing so, would set off an alarm to dear hubby and cause him to worry, etc.  We also use Swarm (app) to do check-ins so that he pretty much knows what is going on in our day, where we are, what events are probably going on, and I know approximately where he is and whether or not it might be a good time for me to call.  For example, if he’s checked-in at the office, I’m probably not going to call unless its an emergency.  If he’s checked in at his hotel or out and about, I may call to see if he’s free for a few minutes.  I would imagine to some this may sound mildly intrusive, but it works for us and its really just about good communication.  Again, it does however take practice.  Communicating well, while apart from your partner takes effort.  In addition to all of this, we also use Skype and FaceTime when we can and also so that the children can feel included.  I like to send dear hubby pictures of what the kids are doing throughout the day, to keep him in the loop and help him feel connected so the next time he skypes with them or something similar he can talk to them about their day.  

All that being said, if I am chatting with someone who is not as accustomed to having conversations online and they make a statement I don’t understand or log off suddenly in the middle of our conversation, I’m left not knowing what the heck happened.  Did I say something offensive?  Was there a lot going on where they were?  Who knows!  It can be very frustrating.  I mention this because it happened yesterday (not with dear hubby) and I just never found out what happened.  Oh well.  Hopefully if something went awry on my end someone will eventually let me know.  

Communication is difficult.  Recently I had someone in a very nonchalant way dismiss my concerns about handling my mons-ners for 16 days.  Fastforward to a week later as I am preparing to get them ready for their first week of school and they asked if I had done X, Y or Z with the children to get them ready.  I replied, “well, I can’t”.  Obviously, this had never occurred to them.  I could see lightbulbs coming on.  *take a deep breath*  I have a child with special needs who while high-functioning, has real challenges and I am not willing to put myself out there in a difficult situation with him not knowing really when my next break will be or if help will be available.  (sound like a recording, don’t I?  I know.) When its not just me, I feel like I can push my kids a little more, try new outings that may be a little more of a hit-or-miss.  When I’m flying solo, I try to stick to what I know will work, this isn’t the time for experimenting.  In an emergency, its just me to handle it all and I need to have confidence in my choices.  

 

 

Burning Man

The Man Burns in 10 Days

So, I’m sort of counting up and down at the same time?  Days down until the Man burns at Burning Man.  Days up until dear hubby comes home and I can breathe!  (woo!)  Day 3 out of 16 of handling my 3 mons-ners on my own!  It went well folks, we had a good day (or two, what day is it?).  This is the only problem with this being “just me” in this little child-centric world here.  I literally don’t really do anything else.  I don’t watch news, I don’t go out of our township unless I have an appointment somewhere and there is a babysitter, I literally live in a bubble of a 5-mile radius.  Oddly, most of the time I kind of like it.  I guess its not really a problem.  I know  LOTS and I mean LOTS of people in my bubble and I find that really comforting.  Yesterday I did my new-agey athletic NIA class and then hatha yoga later in the day with a play date in the middle of the day.  The kids love the gym – built in play date and I get a break!  Bonus!  Plus, it forces me to exercise.  Once I get going on a regular exercise schedule, I’m good – I’m there and self-motivated.  When I fall off the wagon, such as when I hurt my back this past spring – ugh – not easy to get back on the flipping wagon.  

*life moments* that take my breath away:  

So the mons-ners made this really awesome apartment building-type thing for their stuffed animals and they wanted to paint it and I kept telling them to wait for a rainy day and it almost rained today so I said that was close enough.  

Here is how they decorated it:  10572242_10152329082962104_1350850395752721503_o

 

Lovely!  The end product is even more colorful.  Lots of orange and pink.  Very 60’s.  

And I got my awesome Mama Ninja shirt today from Mamapowergear.com and I flipping love it.  I haven’t gotten this much “attention” since I was in college.  LOL!  It’s a “hot mom” shirt.  Put it on, and you’re hot!  

*life moments* where I take a deep breath:

Monday at the afternoon playdate where M saw his 1st grade teacher and ran up to her and obviously wanted to engage her, but couldn’t keep focus long enough to carry on a conversation.  WH-questions are so hard for him.  (WHERE did you go this summer?  WHO did you see? etc.)  He has improved so much and can often answer some of those questions…. but not Monday.  Couldn’t keep eye contact.  Couldn’t focus on the conversation.  Kept interjecting video game knowledge to the conversation about our 7-week trip this summer.  You know, I know he has problems, but sometimes they are neon glowing colors.  This was one of those times.  Luckily, his teacher was well aware of his communication deficeits and bless her she did work well with it while trying to engage him.  

Tonight after my appointment downtown ended early (woo-hoo!  2 hours of me-time!!  Yippee skippee!) I went to Barnes & Noble of course and was perusing the books looking for a page-turner. I picked up a book and preceded to start reading the jacket and I’m skimming the summary…..  “Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, I wonder what the plot is about?  Oh wait.  Oh, right.  Most people don’t actually have an everyday life like that with their child.  Ok.”.  And My head just drooped and I rolled my eyes and just kept walking towards the cookbooks.  Flipping book I picked up.  It was a FICTIONAL story about a boy with Aspberger’s.   I wasn’t sure whether to be upset or offended.  Really??  That’s entertainment??  I mean, I guess.  I don’t know.  I don’t think its entertaining, trying to get your kids to “jump into the car” only to have your autistic child have to do his little ritual things to get into the car.  Or have an order of who gets in the car first, second, etc or there is an actual tantrum.  Or heaven forbid have to try to get him out of the car when he just refuses to go.  I mean, he’s nearly 8, almost as tall as me, if he doesn’t want to go, I can’t do a whole lot to make him go.  *shrugs*  Whatever floats your boat I guess.  I’d rather read about making cupcakes.  Or you know, steampunk vampires, but whatever.  

back to our regularly scheduled programming:

And I found out today that Miss. S got accepted to preschool and our preferred time and teacher (yay!) so, very excited to hear that!  (I had to actually go to the school and interrupt a meeting to ask because I still hadn’t gotten a phone call or letter, but you know, whatever, its my job, right?  Do it Like a Job and all that? )  And I have e-mailed M’s teacher to set up a meeting so that he can meet her briefly before school starts and so that I can go over some strategies for focus during his school “work time”.  And so it starts.  I need to get organized.  Meeting is Thursday.  I’ve already had e-chats with his special ed teacher from last year to get things ready to get started this year.  Its a group effort!

 

Listening to:  BMIR

Random News:  Our glass doorknob to the bathroom uh, broke I guess?  And the babysitter didn’t really mention it to me.  Hmm.  Not sure what to do there – call her to figure out what the heck happened with my doorknob?  Ppffffttttt.  

What’s NIA?  (from NIAnow.com) Nia focuses on the sensation of being flexible in the body but also incorporates flexibility of mind and spirit.  “Flexibility is sensed as energy moving outward. It is the physical feeling of releasing power. Dynamic flexibility (the perfect action between contraction and release) relaxes your body and is sensed as opening and lengthening.” 

Be fierce out there!  The school year is upon us!

#IamAFierceMom

Burning Man

The Man Burns in 13 days

So this week begins a grand experiment of sorts. Dear hubby is leaving on business for a week and then leaving from there on a much needed solo vacation for 8+ days. So that will leave just me and the 3 mons-ners for 16 days!! EEKKK!! I’m a little scared. I think I can I think I can I think I can. (right?) I took a 7-week trip with them over the summer kind of by myself…. but we visited with a lot of family, so most of the time there were other folks around to help absorb some of the energy abounding from the kiddos. I’m a little less um, shocked I guess is the best word, about this situation than I was a couple of days ago. I thought the lovely folks coming in to help with the kiddos would have mentioned months ago if they weren’t able to come up for the timing of the actual event so that we could have made other arrangements or cancelled dear hubby’s trip. I am trying to think positive (hanging on to that silver lining) and put some life cheats in place. So far I have scheduled some babysitters, arranged for 2 evenings out for me and alerted a few of my friends that I may need to contact them in an emergency. (thanks Dalal!) I thought I would do a countdown until the whole thing is over. Next time we do this we’re going to have to figure out a different childcare assistance option or bring them with us and pay for childcare when we arrive – also generally an option. We once hired a nanny for a weekend away (just Friday to Sunday) for a stay-cation, but we only had 2 children then and we didn’t go far. It was extremely expensive. I can’t imagine how much it would cost for 3 children. Thoughts anyone??

 

For vacation, dear Hubby is going to Burning Man in Black Rock City, NV. It’s an art/music/social experiment /festival of sorts. Any burners out there?? I’ve been a few times, but it is such a long trip and I just can’t be away from my mons-ners for that long. When they get a little older I would like to take them. But they have a bit of maturing to do for safety (in my opinion – I know a lot of folks bring babies, no judging here, each child has their own temperament). Check out the link if you’re curious about Burning Man – I am sure I will talk a lot about it over the next couple of weeks. Right now in fact I am listening to BMIR, Burning Man Radio, 94.5 The Voice Of The Man. It streams live at www.BMIR.org. You can also download the app for it. That is what I have. There will also be live streaming of the event online all week (August 25-Sept. 1).  Here are a few of my pictures from a previous trip.  Oh, and hence the title, they do actually burn a statue of a “man” on Saturday night of that week.

I thought I would have that on most of the time so that the kids could see where daddy was during the week. They (most likely) won’t actually see him, but it would be cool for them to kind of understand where he was on his trip since we won’t have actual contact with him for 7 or 8 days. I have to say though, we dropped off dear hubby’s camping luggage to be shipped out to NV for him and then now that I’m listening to the radio….. ugh, I really miss it. Maybe that says something about where I am in my life. That I’ve finally relaxed enough to want to reach out again to things like this and have new experiences. (I am a recovering corporate dweller and I have to say that it was just not a good fit for me. It has taken me years to get over the damage done to my ego and psyche. I’m getting there though, I am finding myself and figuring it all out again.) Also, I’m just one of those people where if I go, chances are my mons-ners go with me. I’m a package deal 90 percent of the time. I love my nights out don’t get me wrong, but, I dunno, I just couldn’t handle a long trip such as this without them.

 

Keep me in your thoughts out there. Tomorrow starts Day 1. Stay tuned.

 

Be fierce.