Just when I think I get this anxiety thing all wrapped up neat with a bow it seems to come unraveled. We’ve had a lot happen lately, both good and bad stressors and the effect that has had on my anxiety has just been monstrous. I take my meds and then I feel …. hmmm… disconnected. It’s as though I’m trying to have a panic attack, but its not working out well, but I wouldn’t call it being relaxed at all. Its funny about anxiety… I was at my mom’s group this morning and I mentioned I was having trouble with shopping at large stores right now. They are so overwhelming even when I’m alone. The lights, the advertising, the noises! I felt like I have been taking on my child’s over-stimulation issues. Could it be catching? Just kidding. My quarry of moms, after chatting for a moment, suggested that its remembered stress. Kind of like PTSD. I have felt so very overwhelmed and stressed and emotionally unhinged in atmospheres like that for such an extended period of time that now when I go into similar settings my mind enters fight or flight mode! I can’t remember what I need, if I have a list, I can’t seem to work out how to get to the items I need. I always have to go to the restroom. Its a bit ridiculous. I can usually manage smaller grocery stores like Trader Joe’s, but not always. Example: The other day in Trader Joe’s I got to the cash register and then remembered about 5 things that I needed and I asked if I should come back and the cashier was super-nice and took pity on my obvious rush to exit the store as soon as possible and asked someone to finish my shopping for me. I even got a lollipop. :::headdesk:::: The whole experience is completely stressful. Much of it is imagined. Occasionally I even forget that I have this problem and I venture out into a random general grocery store like “whatever” because I’m a grown-a** woman, right? I can shop! Well…. sort of. Then I get in the store and I begin to hyper-ventilate and I get “fogged in” where I can’t really hear conversations around me and I can’t focus and suddenly I am looking for an exit. This is why I have been so excited about online shopping because I can avoid all of those stressors. My friend mentioned today that I really should maybe work on that. Shopping in stores I mean. The way she so kindly put it was, “You’ve got a long way to go ahead of you, you’re going to have to be able to go into stores!”. LOL! My moms group is going to plan a shopping-therapy outing to our newest local grocery store, Mariano’s. I’ll keep you posted. Apparently I am not the only one overwhelmed by grocery stores.
#BeFierce #getyergroceries #AxeMyAnxiety
So I was dashing out the door to an appointment last night and I realized that I had made dinner for my children to have with the babysitter, but forgot to pack anything for myself and *lightbulb moment*: I will pick up a sandwich from Panera. Yum! No problem, right? Well…. I was in a hurry and I remembered how I had called in an order before or maybe I had ordered online, I couldn’t remember, so I thought, “oh! I’ll just order it for pick up online!”. I have developed sort of an aversion to talking to people on the phone when not necessary, especially businesses, so when I can I use e-mail or texts or chats or something similar, I’m all about it. I thought this online order would fit the bill. Well…. I went to the website on my phone which all but made it impossible not to download the app, “Why are you still using the mobile site”, it said, “download the app for easier ordering!”. Oh, ok. So I went to the app store and downloaded the app and started to create an account. (high-pitched this time) Well…. Eventually I figured out that I already had an account, but I couldn’t remember which e-mail address it was connected to. After a few minutes I got that figured out as well, but then I had no password. :::headdesk::: I just want a sandwich. I just want some dinner. I have 10 minutes to get where I am going, please to me a sandwich. Hungry! So now I was beginning to get really frustrated and hungry and time was running out. After finding the e-mail address to which my sandwich account (Panera) was connected to, I downloaded yet another app for that e-mail address and I tried to log in. :::send help:::: I have forgotten my password. By this time I have run out of time to actually order online and I have arrived at the Panera to just order in person. (the snail mail of food ordering) Ugh. Plus interpersonal skills on the weekend. Grrr. *sigh* Ok, ordered and picked up food and have used my little club card thingy whereupon I discovered that had I figured out how to order online or through the app I could have saved $5.00. Seriously. Frustrated. Feeling defeated I continued on to my appointment rather excited about my sandwich, but upset about my side choice with my You-Pick-2. Why don’t I ever choose the bread? I love the bread! Just get the bread! Grrr. Online I would have chosen the bread. Anyway. I later did get that password figured out for my alternate e-mail account that was connected to my sandwich account and now I have synched them up with my club card thingy and am ready to rock. Next time. I downloaded 2 apps and spent probably half an hour trying to order a sandwich. I thought this was supposed to be easier. I remember not too long ago when it would not have even occurred to me to download an app to my phone to place an order for something. Online technology changes our routines, our social patterns (when was it that I stopped liking the phone so much?), makes things easier to a point, but also can occasionally cause so much extra work.
Be Fierce. #technicaldifficulties