There are probably at least a million reasons why depression is hard. Here is just one of mine.
I don’t always know when I’m depressed. (Sometimes painfully obvious yes, but not always) Isn’t that funny? I just don’t see it. I’ll think I’m tired or bored or have the winter “blahs” due to lack of sunlight or something similar. It’s only when I’ve felt like this for so long and then my depressed state of mind tries to talk me out of something I really want to do, that I notice. You see I just can’t “stop” to be sad or bored or tired or whatever I think I’m feeling. I believe it’s called functional depression- or at least that’s what I call it. I can keep moving while being affected – to a point. I’ve got children and a household depending on my consistent forward motion. Let’s take my older son for example. He is doing amazing things. He is autistic, but is beginning to test out of some of his therapeutic classes in middle school and take more mainstream classes. That’s amazing and I’m so proud! And I will literally move around the planets myself if that will help him get into a college program for ASD students. And some days, those planets are very heavy. He requires a lot of support for all of this to happen and that’s not even the real issue. It’s juggling the schedule of my other two children *and* his. But. He’s doing his part, so I really must, as his mother, do mine.
It’s not just depression actually that I have to keep moving through. It’s everything. My middle son recently went through a really tough period of personal growth and it occupied most of my brain space for about 2 weeks until it suddenly dawned on me just exactly how much time I was spending thinking about that 1 problem. I just had to regroup, make some decisions and move on.
There are days when I think I just can’t go to church today, but if I don’t then I’m not setting a good example for my children and I’m not participating in self-care for myself, taking care of my soul. I feel realigned after going to church; refreshed and ready again to take on the week. That is important. Rest, in any manner is important so that I can keep moving in that forward motion. It doesn’t mean the depression isn’t there, it’s just that it can’t take first place in my life when other people will be affected. Do you have any self-care strategies? I’d love to hear them.