Grocery Ghosts

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Just when I think I get this anxiety thing all wrapped up neat with a bow it seems to come unraveled.  We’ve had a lot happen lately, both good and bad stressors and the effect that has had on my anxiety has just been monstrous.  I take my meds and then I feel …. hmmm… disconnected.  It’s as though I’m trying to have a panic attack, but its not working out well, but I wouldn’t call it being relaxed at all.  Its funny about anxiety… I was at my mom’s group this morning and I mentioned I was having trouble with shopping at large stores right now.  They are so overwhelming even when I’m alone.  The lights, the advertising, the noises!  I felt like I have been taking on my child’s over-stimulation issues.  Could it be catching?  Just kidding.  My quarry of moms, after chatting for a moment, suggested that its remembered stress.  Kind of like PTSD.  I have felt so very overwhelmed and stressed and emotionally unhinged in atmospheres like that for such an extended period of time that now when I go into similar settings my mind enters fight or flight mode!  I can’t remember what I need, if I have a list, I can’t seem to work out how to get to the items I need.  I always have to go to the restroom.  Its a bit ridiculous.  I can usually manage smaller grocery stores like Trader Joe’s, but not always.  Example:  The other day in Trader Joe’s I got to the cash register and then remembered about 5 things that I needed and I asked if I should come back and the cashier was super-nice and took pity on my obvious rush to exit the store as soon as possible and asked someone to finish my shopping for me.  I even got a lollipop.  :::headdesk::::  The whole experience is completely stressful.  Much of it is imagined.  Occasionally I even forget that I have this problem and I venture out into a random general grocery store like “whatever” because I’m a grown-a** woman, right?  I can shop!  Well…. sort of.  Then I get in the store and I begin to hyper-ventilate and I get “fogged in” where I can’t really hear conversations around me and I can’t focus and suddenly I am looking for an exit.  This is why I have been so excited about online shopping because I can avoid all of those stressors.  My friend mentioned today that I really should maybe work on that.  Shopping in stores I mean.  The way she so kindly put it was, “You’ve got a long way to go ahead of you, you’re going to have to be able to go into stores!”.  LOL!  My moms group is going to plan a shopping-therapy outing to our newest local grocery store, Mariano’s.  I’ll keep you posted.  Apparently I am not the only one overwhelmed by grocery stores.

#BeFierce  #getyergroceries  #AxeMyAnxiety

#IamAFierceMom

Kelly

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