Just when I think I get this anxiety thing all wrapped up neat with a bow it seems to come unraveled. We’ve had a lot happen lately, both good and bad stressors and the effect that has had on my anxiety has just been monstrous. I take my meds and then I feel …. hmmm… disconnected. It’s as though I’m trying to have a panic attack, but its not working out well, but I wouldn’t call it being relaxed at all. Its funny about anxiety… I was at my mom’s group this morning and I mentioned I was having trouble with shopping at large stores right now. They are so overwhelming even when I’m alone. The lights, the advertising, the noises! I felt like I have been taking on my child’s over-stimulation issues. Could it be catching? Just kidding. My quarry of moms, after chatting for a moment, suggested that its remembered stress. Kind of like PTSD. I have felt so very overwhelmed and stressed and emotionally unhinged in atmospheres like that for such an extended period of time that now when I go into similar settings my mind enters fight or flight mode! I can’t remember what I need, if I have a list, I can’t seem to work out how to get to the items I need. I always have to go to the restroom. Its a bit ridiculous. I can usually manage smaller grocery stores like Trader Joe’s, but not always. Example: The other day in Trader Joe’s I got to the cash register and then remembered about 5 things that I needed and I asked if I should come back and the cashier was super-nice and took pity on my obvious rush to exit the store as soon as possible and asked someone to finish my shopping for me. I even got a lollipop. :::headdesk:::: The whole experience is completely stressful. Much of it is imagined. Occasionally I even forget that I have this problem and I venture out into a random general grocery store like “whatever” because I’m a grown-a** woman, right? I can shop! Well…. sort of. Then I get in the store and I begin to hyper-ventilate and I get “fogged in” where I can’t really hear conversations around me and I can’t focus and suddenly I am looking for an exit. This is why I have been so excited about online shopping because I can avoid all of those stressors. My friend mentioned today that I really should maybe work on that. Shopping in stores I mean. The way she so kindly put it was, “You’ve got a long way to go ahead of you, you’re going to have to be able to go into stores!”. LOL! My moms group is going to plan a shopping-therapy outing to our newest local grocery store, Mariano’s. I’ll keep you posted. Apparently I am not the only one overwhelmed by grocery stores.
#BeFierce #getyergroceries #AxeMyAnxiety