Oh I am so frustrated!!  SO frustrated!!  I simply cannot get M’s complexities all lined up so that I can effectively communicate with him.  Its like a never-ending rubix cube!  M will not go to swimming class this week!  He just won’t go in the water!  He does what I call the “spider”, re:  stretched out arms and legs attached to anything permanent.  698160_32724648On Wednesday at the mid-week class, I couldn’t even get him out of the car!  I had to give-in to agree to let him sit that class out so that I could get my other two to their swimming class.  He also got in trouble for pulling that power-struggle with me and is now on restriction from video games.  Oy vey!  I’ve tried pleading, begging, reasoning, reassuring him that we will work with his instructor to try to make it as painless and comfortable a transition into the pool as possible.  No dice.  Here is how serious he is… he actually came up to me the other day and said, “Its ok if you want to keep my iPad mommy, you can have it”.  *headdesk*  Just.  Broke.  My.  Heart.  I don’t want your iPad child!  I want you to NOT drown in the water!!  My head could not be hanging any lower right now.  The current bribe I’m offering is return of the iPad and a trip to the bakery (!!)  if M will attend swimming lessons voluntarily.  We have a super-good bakery in our little town folks, Bennison’s, I mean that alone would have me dog paddling away in that pool.  (Not so great for my Paleo ambitions though I suppose, right?)  M has a lot of Aspberger tendencies, but apparently does not actually have Aspberger’s.  (I really could swear he has Aspberger’s though.  He has every single one of the things you look for in an Aspberger’s diagnosis – even though they don’t technically diagnose that anymore.)  Because of this he has a niche interest in high-level video games.  I really really thought that would be enough to persuade him to just try the swimming again.  We talked about the noise level and I have ear plugs to help with that.  He has a very small class so there is a lot of one-on-one attention and his instructors are SO understanding and patient.  At some point though he has to make the choice to try.  He has to be the one to get IN the pool.  Somehow he is just not making the connection between working and a reward.  As in, you have to go to work at a job (hopefully one that you enjoy!), and sometimes have to do parts of the job that aren’t your favorite things, or that may be difficult and where you may have to try and try again, but in the end there are rewards to be had!  Feelings of accomplishment, confidence, growing your skills, monetary rewards in the case of a job, etc.  Is he going to learn this?  Am I expecting too much from him?  I have developed this little habit of trying to keep myself from falling into a depression spiral.  I use various self-talk phrases to remind myself of what is happening in reality (ie.  not in my head) and what is important.  So right now, its:

  • He’s 8.  I’m his cheerleader.  This is just a small bump in his road.
  • He’ll get through this.  I refuse to believe any differently.
  • If he can learn to read, he can learn to swim.  *This one is a big one for me.  Keeps me sane.
  • #prayhard.  I am his mother for a reason.  I won’t give up on him just because its hard.

Stubbornness.  Its hereditary.

So I have so much built-up anger!  I’m not even sure what I’m angry at!  The water?  My inability to persuade M?  I should have gone to kick-boxing class today.  That always kicks my butt and I leave with a clear head.  Maybe I can hit the gym this afternoon.  That would help me to reset.

#IamAFierceMom  *I won’t give up, just because its hard.  (and today, its really hard)


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