Anxiety, Autism, Children's Schedule, SAHM

Its so hard to let them grow up!!


This is me now:  I’m so nervous.  I feel like an ostrich with their head in the sand only I’m trying to do what I normally do… with my head in the sand.  Oy.  Today M (my spectrum child) has his first group swimming lesson with his 2nd grade class.  So, after school, he’ll go with group on the bus from the school to the YMCA for lunch and swimming lessons and then he’ll change and come back to the school and I’m supposed to pick him up there.  I’m just terrifed.  What if he gets separated from his group, distracted and wanders off, what if the echo in the pool area is so intense and he can’t take it, what if he  becomes so disconnected he begins to stem.  :::shaking:::  Ugh.  Letting your children grow up is hard.  Harrrdd.  I drilled him this morning on my name and phone number, made sure he understood his schedule, etc.  (We’ve lost him a couple of times – actually LOST him, and I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten over it, its the most horrible feeling.) I feel like he’s old enough now, he’s had more “big kid” experiences, and he can do this.  DH and I talked about it and we just really felt like this was something he needed to try to do.  A small step of independence (sort of).  We need to know if he can participate in things like this or if its too much, so we’re trying.  And, he needs to learn to swim, so there’s that.  I’m basically holding my breath for the next 3 hours.  And praying.  Holding my breath and praying that he doesn’t get lost or hurt or I don’t even know.  Or go into the pool (or hallway at the YMCA) naked.  ::::head desk:::: I kind of just want to scream into the school, “Be careful with my baby!!!  Careful now!!”, when I drop him off, but I probably shouldn’t do that.  Ok.  I’ll post when its over.  I’m going to try to continue on with my afternoon with one eyeball open.

And this is what happened in the meantime:  Parking ticket for a Wheel Tax??  (O.o  What’s a Wheel Tax??)  Hmmm….  and my daughter took a nose dive off the top of the slide at the playground.  Omg.  Luckily she was ok.  And I lost my phone while running to get to her – some children picked it up and played with the phone, tossed the phone case down a sewer drain.  Another playground mom got my phone back for me.  ::::deep breath::::  At least I got my phone back.  The kids were toddlers, little kids.  And then, I stepped on a bee, while barefoot.    I think I’m finished.  I’d like to be done with the day.  I’m afraid to go outside now.

And this is me after:  1269147_86862548

I’m so relieved!  M did great at his swimming lesson!  He had a super fun time and followed directions like a champ!  This was huge for him and for us!  I now feel so much more comfortable letting him try out different extra curricular activities that may cause a change in his schedule.  I really feel like he’s coming a long way in handling transitions.  His aide from school actually went with him.  I’m so glad!  I would have been more relaxed if I had known she would be with him.  Also, I learned that they separated out the students with special needs / sensory issues so that it would be quieter for them.  I love our school district.  I mean love it.  Really love heart love it.  They have 3 specific classrooms for autistic children in the school as well as a CDC (communications disorder classroom) and also alternative pull-out options for the inclusion students who are in traditional classrooms AND they are creating a “student academic center” for the children who just need a quieter setting to concentrate, so that when they have tests or a larger amount of reading / writing to do, they can go there to work.  It will be kind of like a study hall from what I understand.  :::collapses:::  I’m calling in exhausted tomorrow!  ROFL!  Just kidding.  I’m a mom.  No sick days for me.  Ha!

Be fierce.  Take those baby steps to independence!  #IamAFierceMom



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