What’s that? I think we have some static.

*  Today marks 9 days until the Man burns at Burning Man!  Listen to BMIR (app available!) for playa updates before you go or

    on the radio as you get closer. 94.5 FM 

*  Today is Day 4 of 16 in which I  handle my mons-ners solo and all is well.  *clanging bell sound here*

 

You know, conversations online can be confusing.  You can’t really tell the person’s emotional intent from their text.  It can be easy to misinterpret words, online connections can be interrupted in the middle of conversations, and sometimes you just never know what happened.  Did they log off on purpose?  Was there a storm?  An emergency in their home?  Were they late for an appointment?  Who knows!  With practice, it can improve.  Dear hubby and I speak primarily through IMs (instant messages) on Trillian while he travels because it is the medium that works best for us.  Often I will get a quick phone call in the evening, but not necessarily every day and certainly not during this big trip he’s on (due to lack of internet access/signals in the desert).  Its not always perfect, he spends a fair amount of his day in meetings in which he can text me on IM/Trillian if I need to ask something or am just checking in, but not always.  It may be hours before my message gets answered depending on what is happening around him and vice versa.  If I’m at a playdate or out with the kids I can’t usually talk/text/do much of anything else.   It takes understanding and patience.  And practice.  I know that if I get a message, I need to answer it.  When I can.  Even if its much later in the day or the next day.  Not doing so, would set off an alarm to dear hubby and cause him to worry, etc.  We also use Swarm (app) to do check-ins so that he pretty much knows what is going on in our day, where we are, what events are probably going on, and I know approximately where he is and whether or not it might be a good time for me to call.  For example, if he’s checked-in at the office, I’m probably not going to call unless its an emergency.  If he’s checked in at his hotel or out and about, I may call to see if he’s free for a few minutes.  I would imagine to some this may sound mildly intrusive, but it works for us and its really just about good communication.  Again, it does however take practice.  Communicating well, while apart from your partner takes effort.  In addition to all of this, we also use Skype and FaceTime when we can and also so that the children can feel included.  I like to send dear hubby pictures of what the kids are doing throughout the day, to keep him in the loop and help him feel connected so the next time he skypes with them or something similar he can talk to them about their day.  

All that being said, if I am chatting with someone who is not as accustomed to having conversations online and they make a statement I don’t understand or log off suddenly in the middle of our conversation, I’m left not knowing what the heck happened.  Did I say something offensive?  Was there a lot going on where they were?  Who knows!  It can be very frustrating.  I mention this because it happened yesterday (not with dear hubby) and I just never found out what happened.  Oh well.  Hopefully if something went awry on my end someone will eventually let me know.  

Communication is difficult.  Recently I had someone in a very nonchalant way dismiss my concerns about handling my mons-ners for 16 days.  Fastforward to a week later as I am preparing to get them ready for their first week of school and they asked if I had done X, Y or Z with the children to get them ready.  I replied, “well, I can’t”.  Obviously, this had never occurred to them.  I could see lightbulbs coming on.  *take a deep breath*  I have a child with special needs who while high-functioning, has real challenges and I am not willing to put myself out there in a difficult situation with him not knowing really when my next break will be or if help will be available.  (sound like a recording, don’t I?  I know.) When its not just me, I feel like I can push my kids a little more, try new outings that may be a little more of a hit-or-miss.  When I’m flying solo, I try to stick to what I know will work, this isn’t the time for experimenting.  In an emergency, its just me to handle it all and I need to have confidence in my choices.  

 

 

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