I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

Choo choo!  I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.  Choo choo!

That’s me.  Right now.  Trying so so hard not to be unreasonably angry!!  My dear hubby is taking a much needed vacation soon which will mean that I have the children by myself for longer than usual.  For those not as familiar with our situation – my husband travels a LOT for work, which means that very often I am by myself for up to 5 (ish) days.  Usually not more than 4.  But this time… this time its 16 days.  Sixteen.  Just look at all those letters.  S I X T E E N.  Woah.  

Maybe I’m being a bit spoiled – honestly I’m pretty caught up here so I can’t even really tell – but that just seems like a lot of days.  We arranged for some assistance (relief!!) several months ago to come help out – maybe early spring?  I think there was a communication error though and they won’t be able to come into town until dear hubby is nearly back anyway – at which point I think I will either 1) have earned a badge of hardcore momness or 2) have been taken over by tiny mons-ners (that’s monsters in 3-year-old speak).  So….  not sure what to do as we’re really so close to the event that there isn’t much to be done.   So the best course of action now that I have (mostly) gotten over the shock is to just kind of power through.  I have always loved that book, The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper.  I honestly (no lie here folks) do that little phrase in my head a LOT when I can just barely – sort of grasp the tail end of the silver lining in my situation.  I’m not natually an optimistic person, and I work hard, bless me and let’s say it again, I work HARD to be more positive every day!  For the most part – I think I come out on  a definite positive note – I’m working my way up that mountain.   I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.  Choo choo!   

As you get to know me here and hopefully as I get to know some of you!  You’ll figure out that I have little life “cheats” or “back-ups” for everything nearly.  I don’t even know I’m doing it.  My friend Oaky (hi Oaky!) jokes about how I’m like a little squirrel with all sorts of little stashes of things, just in case!  And I do.  So one of my life cheats is to know my flaws.  Be friends with my flaws.  Get their SCOOP, their 411.  So in this case, I know that if I let go of that silver lining I am likely to start spiraling downward into a dark, scary, anxious place.  I have medication for my anxiety disorder, and I take it.  Every day.  I have some for panic attacks, but when at all possible I try to avoid the whole situation and not trigger myself.  So, I know my triggers.  Life cheat:  a written card with who to call in an emergency (ie. panic attack), because I may or may not be able to find little details like phone numbers during a panic attack.  Life cheat:  because I know that I am not natually a positive person, I keep a cute 8×10 quote in my craft room where I can see it every day that helps to remind me.  It says, “Good Morning!  This is God, I will be handling all of your problems today so enjoy yourself.  I love you.”  It helps.  Little reminders help.  Keeping busy also helps, so I am planning playdate-apalooza to try to fill the time for my kiddos.  My two oldest will start school somewhere in the middle of the 16-days, my youngest will not start until after Labor Day.  But that will help too.  Every little bit helps!  Its like putting drops of water into a bucket.  Every little bit helps!  I will get probably several babysitters during that time so that I can clear my head and get some real grocery shopping done. Grocery shopping with 3 kiddos will wear you down as many of you well know and truly I am very limited on where I can go with my oldest as many of his autistic triggers will occur in grocery or similar stores due to the environment.  Often times you may find me in Target with my 7-year-old in the shopping cart and my 3 and 5-year-olds walking along behind me.  Please don’t stare.  Its the safest, smartest way for me to get in and out of the store.  Trust me, I know.  So, ok!  I’m getting together a plan of action.  I can do it and I’ll count down.  Maybe some of you can offer some moral support.  And I am going to grip onto my silver lining and hang on to it for dear life.  There is nothing worse than a negative Nelly.  There really isn’t.  I don’t mean to be flippant, I really mean that.  I grew up with a lot of negativity and I hate it.  Life cheat:  I can go to the gym and they have childcare there which will give me a mental break if I need it.  I can um, pre-warn (?) my emergency list of people that I may be under unusual amounts of stress, which may or may not cause panic attacks, so I may be calling them for assistance.  (see?  Squirrel!  tuck all these little helpful things away for later, just in case!)  Ok – this is sounding better…  I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.  Choo choo!

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